Folks,
It wasn't my idea to start this tribe, but I would like to start this THREAD so that people can get what they want.
Here are some random thoughts and all comments are invited:
1) Change the banner to state that everyone is welcome to read the ads but the moderator and members would appreciate it if people who are not Jewish especially antisemites and proselytizers stay off the Tribe messages.
2) When you post a message, state what you are looking for with as much specificity as possible. For example, if you are looking for a potential husband, wife or life partner, say so. If you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, say so. If you want NSA sex, say so. One mistake people on JD make is that they check every box. That makes no sense.
3) Indicate if you are looking locally or within x miles from you. I know this may shock Jdate's programmers, but Poughkeepsie, NY is not within 10 miles from Park Slope, Brooklyn.
4) Don't offer to exchange pictures if you do not intend to make good on the deal. (N.B. This is the biggest complaint on Craigslist.) And if you don't send a picture when you have received one, expect to be publicly flamed.
5) Try and avoid all the JDate BS. I for one am sick of hearing that someone looks as good in black tie as blue jeans especially when the person saying it appears never to attend any black tie events. In the same way, only a food critic could possibly like 15 different types of cuisine. Try to be realistic.
6) Remember the quote from the Torah, "And you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself." Try to be decent. Avoid nastiness. If you really believe (as a lot of Jdaters do) that you will rule someone out, no matter what, solely if he or she voted for President Bush, perhaps you should consider your other values.
It wasn't my idea to start this tribe, but I would like to start this THREAD so that people can get what they want.
Here are some random thoughts and all comments are invited:
1) Change the banner to state that everyone is welcome to read the ads but the moderator and members would appreciate it if people who are not Jewish especially antisemites and proselytizers stay off the Tribe messages.
2) When you post a message, state what you are looking for with as much specificity as possible. For example, if you are looking for a potential husband, wife or life partner, say so. If you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, say so. If you want NSA sex, say so. One mistake people on JD make is that they check every box. That makes no sense.
3) Indicate if you are looking locally or within x miles from you. I know this may shock Jdate's programmers, but Poughkeepsie, NY is not within 10 miles from Park Slope, Brooklyn.
4) Don't offer to exchange pictures if you do not intend to make good on the deal. (N.B. This is the biggest complaint on Craigslist.) And if you don't send a picture when you have received one, expect to be publicly flamed.
5) Try and avoid all the JDate BS. I for one am sick of hearing that someone looks as good in black tie as blue jeans especially when the person saying it appears never to attend any black tie events. In the same way, only a food critic could possibly like 15 different types of cuisine. Try to be realistic.
6) Remember the quote from the Torah, "And you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself." Try to be decent. Avoid nastiness. If you really believe (as a lot of Jdaters do) that you will rule someone out, no matter what, solely if he or she voted for President Bush, perhaps you should consider your other values.
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Sat, May 7, 2005 - 10:07 AM7) Include answerring questions about yourself so people can get a feel for you: two great questions that I use to sniff people out:
a) What's on your current reading table?
b) What's your favorite joke?
c) What do you do when your nervous? -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Sat, May 7, 2005 - 8:18 PMAlso, state your marital status. (Best date I had recently turned out to be married, but her hubby liked to take pictures)
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Sat, May 7, 2005 - 9:42 PMMike,
What do you consider an acceptable answer to "What do you do when you're nervous?"
1) I meditate;
2) I chant;
3) I read Tehillim (Psalms);
4) I take a shot of Jack Daniels;
5) I take a Valium. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Sat, May 7, 2005 - 10:38 PMand yet none of you posted your own stuff
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Sun, May 8, 2005 - 12:22 PMActually- I was thinking more along the lines of nervous ticks- such as talking too much, not talking at all, laughing hyanically, biting your nails, singing folk songs at the top of your voice, etc... -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Sun, May 8, 2005 - 2:28 PMBe prepared for other answers. :) -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Mon, May 9, 2005 - 4:11 PMAilerone- those are great ideas, actually I like all the ideas but I'm a cop-out bcos I'm gun-shy about posting too much personal specifics due to prior yuckiness on the web. Also I live in East BoFo. Which is why I'm on the web doing such things! -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Mon, May 9, 2005 - 7:01 PMI haven't written anything because of my bad experiences with JD in New York where I found that unless you wrote "marriage" or "marriage and children" as your goals, most women would not give you the time of day. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Mon, May 9, 2005 - 9:36 PMFunny, but in the short time that I was active on JDate, I received a lot of messages and I/M's. I did not have a recent photo to post at that time, and that did not seem to stop the messages. I didn't care for the phony photos, and the "mistakes" in age and gross tonnage. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Mon, May 9, 2005 - 11:54 PMSabai,
Man you were a lot luckier than me. I wish I had saved all those crappy e-mail diatribes I got about marriage. (I care for an elderly parent who is currently hospitalized which is why my mind is not on commitment. This is apparently not considered a good enough excuse by some women.)
I would be you that at least 50 per cent of the New York guys are not interested in anything long term, but be honest about it and you get slammed.
Yikes!
Let's not even get started on the photos. . . -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 7:58 AMWow, I probably would have *liked* JDate! I went on a different site and all the hot / hot in an intellectual way guys seemed to be in L.A. It seemed to be evenly divided btwn those guys and guys around 20 yrs older than me who didn't understand why I wasn't interested despite a notation on my profile that I was ONLY dating guys around my age. I have a GOOD relationship with my father, thanks very much. The scarier thing was that I know they just clicked on the picture, and I look maybe 10 yrs younger than my age (bragging here but I really do). I'm in my 30's. The NYC ppl generally weren't interested in dating outside their boroughs, which I get. Like LI ppl don't want to date someone who's even in Brooklyn! But, that is how NYC is.
I also got some goys and drunk ppl.
My guess with the marriage thing is that these women were tired of playing with non-Jewish men and were paying so they could meet Jewish guys whom they assumed were into marriage because that's the assumed ultimate goal. That is the assumed ultimate goal of the websites when they went into it. Cos "If you don't date a goy, you won't marry a goy" right? We're all trying to do the right thing.
For me personally, I'm sort of gun-shy anyway, so it's not an issue. If I got that close to someone that I could imagine being with them every day and sharing my carefully-guarded life with them, and not run away in the second month or after he did something weird or whatever; then I'd naturally consider moving forward in phases of comittment. It's just much better for me to be with someone who comes into the relationship with the same background and hopefully politics. I don't want to explain things anymore. I'm also wary of the stereotype of Jewish women being nymphos with no morals. Ma-a-a-a-a-an do those guys have a surprise coming!
When I lived in NYC I was cohabitating with someone, but I got the idea that it was hard to hook up if you were female. My friend married an Asian because; aside from being a really nice guy, he didn't have the attitude she felt white men had about dating in the City. She couldn't believe how lucky I was to be living in a house with a white guy who had a good job. I didn't think about it that much, because thinking is tedious.
Just my 25 cents.
I want to add that I saw many, many hot Jewish guys in NYC but never had the opportunity to explore.
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Response to Celestial
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 11:28 AMI hope your comments weren't directed at me. On JDate there are categories like "just friends," "activitity partners" and "dating."
Now I ask you, what in the world is wrong with checking off "dating?"
There's an old joke here that by the third date the guy wants sex while the woman wants to pick out baby names.
Frankly, I have a surprise for a lot of women who select only guys who write "marriage." They're lying. At least if you picked me, you would have known the truth up front, been treated genteely and had a good time.
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:01 AMPhotos??? I had a date with one, who had posted her daughter's picture...
Description?? I did not know that "slim/petite" meant 5'-200#.
But everyone has feelings, so I took them out and made a pleasant time of it. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:07 AM>But everyone has feelings, so I took them out and made a pleasant time of it.
By "them" are you referring to the 5' 200 lb person?
ha, ha. ha. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:08 AMP.S> That's what webcams are for! :-D -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:23 AMI don't really let the photos determine, who interests me. Did cause some problems, as my first date on Match turned out to be a Muslim...(no picture posted) -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:26 AMCelestial,
Re "them", since I care more about what they write and how they say it, and don't worry about pictures, I have run into a few "interesting" dates.
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:34 AM>my first date on Match turned out to be a Muslim...(no picture posted)
Yup, that would piss me off. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 9:21 AMShe was Pakistani. It wasn't that bad, although she spent the evening trying to find out my religion. I can be a good Buddhist, just as easily as a good Jew... -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 9:23 AMBTW, the 5'-200 pounder wore a red pants suit, and closely resembled a bowling ball.. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 11:22 AMSTRIKE! -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 11:28 AMDuhhhhh, I thought you said your first date on JDate was a Muslim! Need. to. learn. English.
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 3:43 PMI've been on JDate for only a week or so and like most websites of their type, they just want to tease me so that I will give them a credit card #. I did that once and got burned with my info being sold and getting hit with tons of useless BS from marketers wanting to sell me timeshares or asking for donations for this charity and that one, where I know the $$$ only going into the pockets of those marketing people.
I'll put it out there...I am going through a divorce, so marriage is the farthest thing from my mind. Anyone who wants to find out things about me just has to go to my website: www.drumfest.com to see what I've been doing with myself. I am always honest with my profiles and my pics are current.
WOW...really feet sweeping, huh? Seriously, I want to meet women who are passionate about life and have a fire for meeting it head on.
I'm reading "The Gift" by the famed Sufi mystic, Hafiz. When I'm nervous, I drum or I get shy and quiet. I love to go club hopping, but I won't go alone. There is no fun in that. The usual hiking, camping, travelling, etc are all part of list of things that I like to do, but I also enjoy writing and reading my poetry in public, Frankly, I love doing lots of different things in public, some of which I like to do for the thrill of not getting caught. There's lots of things that I have never done, but am open to possibilities.
What's it really take to meet people of quality on-line where it's more than just flirting with no place to go? Haven't been able to figure that one out. So far, I don't think anyone else has, either. However, it would be foolish to stop trying.
The statement:"if you really believe (as a lot of Jdaters do) that you will rule someone out, no matter what, solely if he or she voted for President Bush, perhaps you should consider your other values", has brought a question to mind. In looking to meet someone new to date, what is wrong with my values if I have as a criteria whether they voted for Bush or not?
Let's face it politics is a powerful topic for anyone to engage in. If I am going to date someone, open myself up and be vunerable, does it not make sense that that person should have values that are consistant with mine or at the very least, open enough to accept mine? Well, let's not get started on politics. this topic is fun and politics is definately not.
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 6:12 PMIt's very simple. When you meet someone in person, you get to experience the TOTALITY of the person. Whom one votes for is only a minor part of it.
I despise the "checklist" mentality of many on JDate. You don't fit one box, so out you go.
By the way, I did vote for Bush as did 95% of my heavily Jewish neighborhood. -
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Re: Suggestions So This Is BETTER Than JDate
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:00 PMYou folks made me start thinking back about my short JDate experience. The one thing that stands out is the fact that all but one of the females that I took out wanted sex. Some first date and the balance second date. I had chalked it up to the fact, that I was a former resident of Bangkok. -
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Sabai
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 8:56 PMI take back everything I said.
I re-signing up with JDate--under your name! -
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Re: Sabai
Tue, May 10, 2005 - 9:31 PMI think that my profile will still be there, as they occasionally send me matches. (Most of whom have probably remarried already) I did use another Thai word for my name there. Since you are an attorney, you can draw up a contract to take up my name. -
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Re: Sabai
Wed, May 11, 2005 - 4:17 PMTurns out my profile is still on JDate, as I actually received a message there today. (Don't know how real the message is, as I am not a paying member and can't open it) Aileron, if you wish to purchase my profile there, upon checking today, I discovered 27 unopened messages there, so who knows what you might find. As long as they think that you're a former resident of Bangkok, the sky is the limit!!!
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